I've been feeling so burnt out lately. I feel so disconnected and washed up. I think my MDD is flaring up. One of my closest friends is talking to someone who tends to lie about me, and it causing me to be extremely anxious and paranoid once more. Even thinking about that disgusting man makes me sick. He's lied about me and dragged my name through made-up mud and I hate it. I'm so scared that he's going to tell his lies to my friend and I'll lose him, too. I've changed my name, I've changed usernames, I've switched accounts, but he follows me everywhere and I can't get him off of my tail.
I know things will be okay. This too shall pass. I'm always okay. I like to promise myself that no matter what, I won't die. I know that if that promise is broken, I won't be around to get upset about it. Everything in my life has led up to me not dying.
Sometimes I wish that wasn't true.
I feel so icky and sick. My father keeps being oddly nice, for some reason. He buys me candy and toys (I'd much rather have food, but I guess after all those chocolate bars he simply doesn't have the cash to burn.) I'm just praying I feel better soon and this isn't the start of another depression. I remember feeling this bad over the summer. I hope I'll be strong enough to get through this.
I'm in a whirlpool of paranoia, worry, anxiety, fear, and terror. At least my next blog will be the seventh.
With Passion, Michael.